Writer: Larry Gilbart, Laurence Marks
Director: Norman Tokar
Show Stars: McLean Stevenson (Lt. Colonel Henry Braymore Blake (Season 1-3)), Loretta Swit (Major Margaret J. "Hot Lips" Houlihan), Larry Linville (Major Franklin Delano Marion Burns (Season 1-5)), Gary Burghoff (Corporal Walter Eugene "Radar" O'Reilly (Season 1-8)), Alan Alda (Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce), Wayne Rogers (Captain John Francis Xavier "Trapper" McIntyre (Season 1-3))
Recurring Role: Jamie Farr (Corporal/Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger), William Christopher (Father John Patrick Francis Mulcahy), Herb Voland (Clayton), Odessa Cleveland (Ginger)
Guest Stars: Gail Bowman (Nurse Powell) , Sarah Fankboner (Nurse Klein) , Corey Fisher (Captain Phil Cardozo) , Lloyd King (Soldier) , Deborah Newman (Nurse Richards)
Production Code: K403
 

The scene opens with Radar surrounded by people. People are giving him money. It becomes clear that his is taking a bets for a pool. The loud speaker in this whole episode is Radar’s voice. You hear him announce, “three minutes to Charlie.”

Next scene is Father Mulcahy giving advice to a young soldier. “Try to feel compassionate. Remember even one of our saints received a dear John letter.”

Over the loud speaker again you hear, “three minutes to Charlie.” You watch two people leaving the shower dressed in towels running.

Next scene is Father Mulcahy giving Radar his bet. “Here my bet for 40 yards.” Father Mulachy says he will use the winning to buy bibles. Radar tries to make it sound like Radar will do that also. The good Father does not believe that promise.


The next scene you see Hawkeye and Trapper dressed up like English gentlemen. The only problem is that their customs are made from materials around the camp. Hawkeye has a makeshift smoking jacket with a red bathrobe. Trapper has turned an Asian bathrobe made to look like an English smoking jacket. They are talking with English accents. Radar comes in to take their bets. When they talk to him with their English accents, he thinks they must colds.

Over the loud speaker you hear, “Won’t be long now stand by for Charlie.” Margaret and Frank run into the tent shutting “take cover. It’s an air raid.” Hawkeye and Trapper laugh and tell them they are crazy. Charlie has not hit anything in 6 weeks. Margaret and Frank are concerned that the enemy is here and going to destroy the camp. They all leave the tent and head for the ammo field.

In the next scene is Blake is operating on a solider in the operating room. He is discussing with a nurse her bet. She tells him her bet is 32.5. Blake laughs and tells her she just does not have a chance. He will not tell his number. Over the loud speaker you hear, one minute till Charlie betting book is now closed.”

The camera is close up on a sign that reads: “Danger Ammo Dump. No smoking within 100 yards. This means you.” The camera moves back and you seen the camp sitting about a football field away from the ammo dump. They look like they are about to watch a sport event. They have come prepared with chair, food, drinks, and music is playing. From the loud speaker you hear, “Now direct from North Korea. Here he is for the sixth hit week, 5 o’clock Charlie, his airplane and his stigmatism. You hear applause and sport music. Charlie arrives right on schedule. He is flying almost sideways and can not keep the plane level. He throws out a bomb and it misses the ammo dump. More applause is heard. They run out to measure the distance. Over the loud speaker Radar announces, “That concludes 5 o’clock Charlie for today. I hope you enjoyed him as much as North Korea enjoyed bringing him to you. Results of the pool will be announced in a few minutes. Join us tomorrow same time. Until then have a nice war.”

The next scene is in Blakes' office. Burns is in the office talking about Charlie. He is very upset about the whole situation. Blake is not taking him seriously. “How would we know its 5 o’clock if he did not come?” Burns insists that they asked General Clayton for an anti aircraft gun. He feels they need to do something to stop this bomber. Burns feels he can train some troops to shoot this gun. Radar walks in and tells Blake that he won the bet which was 75.5 yards. Hawkeye and Trapper come in to congratulate Blake on winning. They all get into a discussion about the anti-aircraft gun. Hawkeye and Trapper feel the gun would result in real raids. Burns feels they need to stop the bombing. Hawkeye feels it would give too much attention to their M*A*S*H unit. General Clayton call. He makes a bet for tomorrow on 64 yards. He decides he needs to come to the 4077 to see the situation for personally before deciding if they actually need an anti-aircraft gun.

General Clayton arrives in his jeep. He goes first into Major Houlihan’s tent. As he tries to kiss her Major Burns interrupts. Margaret introduces Frank to the General. They discuss the anti aircraft gun. They let the general know that they feel the 4077 needs the gun for protection. They are concerned that the General will be influenced by others to not get the gun. The General assures them he will make up his own mind.

The next scene is a jeep driving on a dirt road. Blake is driving the jeep with the General in the passenger front seat. Hawkeye and Trapper are in the back seat. The jeep arrives at the ammo site. General Clayton says that this is a classic situation. He admires the dirt road, the ammo dump near a hospital. He says he learned it from the German’s. It keeps the enemy from destroying the ammo. Hawkeye is impressed that he is taking lessons from the losers of World War II. The General does not think they need an anti aircraft gun. He thinks they do not require that type of protection.

Over the loud speaker you hear, “One minute to Charlie.” The four decide it will be safer to get out of the jeep and hide behind a rock to watch Charlie. Charlie arrives on time, drops his bomb and hits the General’s jeep. The General says that they are getting the gun.

The next scene is at the dump site with Frank Burn, the anti aircraft gun, and three allied Korean troops. He is excited that he is making history. They are the first surgical unit to have an anti aircraft gun. He feels the success of this mission is vital to history. He is making them practice marching. and get ready to fire the gun. He says that one of them is the platoon leader, one the squad leader and the last solider he says is the squad. He starts lecturing them on their mission and how to win this important, vital fight.

In marches Trapper dressed in a make shift British uniform commanding his troops of Radar and Hawkeye. They imitate Burn and make him mad. They try to talk him out of the mission. They try to talk sense into him. They explain if he is successful the enemy will be sending real planes and real bombs. They try to remind him that there are real wounded soldiers in their hospital. Frank will not listen and turns back to train his troops. Hawkeye, Trapper and Radar leave.

The next scene is in the officer tent. You see Hawkeye, Trapper and Cardozzo. Cardozzo is a dentist on the base. They discuss the situation with Frank Burns. Cardozzo tells them that Frank is not the problem. The problem is the ammo dump. If they get rid of the dump, they get rid of the need for the gun. They tell Cardozzo he is brilliant.

Next you see a short scene where Hawkeye and Trapper get 4 dozen towels from the linen supply officer. Another short scene is done at Radar’s desk. They are getting him to approve 18 gallons of a disinfectant. A type of disinfectant that is red in color.

The next scene they are in the shower discussing their plan. They are drinking at martini out of an IV bottle. They are sure the made the ammo dump impossible for even Charlie to miss. They start to think they may have another problem. Wonder if by chance Frank is able to hit Charlie before Charlie destroys the ammo dump. They make another plan to ensure this does not happen.

Next scene is in a hospital ward. Radar has turned the clock back 30 minutes. The time reads 4:30. They try to distract Frank with a patient. Frank hears Charlie over head and runs for the ammo dump.

At the field Frank is trying to fire the gun at Charlie. Hawkeye and Trapper are verbally distracting his men. They are talking so much that they men become confused as to what to do. Charlie flies over head. The camera moves to the field where you see that Hawkeye and Trapper have turned the sheets into arrows and a target over the ammo dump. They have used the disinfectant to make the arrows and target red and visible for Charlie. Charlie misses the target. Hawkeye and Trapper have manipulated the allied Korean troops into aiming the gun at the ammo dump. Frank is mad when he hears Charlie’s bomb go off and yell to his troops to fire the anti-aircraft gun. They obey his command and hit the ammo dump. The ammo dump is destroyed by Frank and his men. On the loud speaker you hear, “Aloha five o’clock Charlie.”

Back in the officer’s tent you see Trapper, Hawkeye and Burns. Hawkeye and Trapper notice that it is 10 after 5 o’clock. They miss 5 o’clock Charlie. They asked Burns if he misses Charlie. “Oh, I forgot, you already did.” They invite Frank to eat with them. Frank comes along. He says as he leaves the tent, “why can’t I just stay mad at you two.?”
 

 

There is much suffering in the world - physical, material, mental. The suffering of some can be blamed on the greed of others. The material and physical suffering is suffering from hunger, from homelessness, from all kinds of diseases. But the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, having no one. I have come more and more to realize that it is being unwanted that is the worst disease that any human being can ever experience.”

~ Mother Theresa
20th century humanitarian

reply

Thank you very much for this, will go through it and see if I can find anything.

Brian

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10.15.2006

 

reply

Thanks Kay, posted.

Brian

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10.16.2006

reply

Thanks Bruce

Brian,

thought you'd like to see this

Blessings

CW

reply

Thanks, yes, very interesting.

Brian